Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
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