when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I think i got beer on your cat.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
