just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
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