Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
did i walk over a car last night?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
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