last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
