like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
