She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
