After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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