remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
