sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
