mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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