3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize