piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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