I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
