I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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