Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
