Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
