We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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