I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
