I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
