He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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