i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
