He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
