I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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