What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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