You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
