I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
We named our party play list daddy issues
he was CRYING into my vagina
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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