I murdered the dance floor call the cops
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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