did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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