Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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