he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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