you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
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