what day is it and did you see me today?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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