She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
