We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
