I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I love having hate sex.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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