What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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