I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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