You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
