He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
My bed smells like the plague
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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