the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
