You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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