you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
