You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Randomize