shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
