Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
