did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
