The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
