and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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