I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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