You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
