At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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