I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize