How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
