allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
