Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
My life is pants optional.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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