with your own penis?
I skipped work to stalk him.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
