I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
