Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Everything about him screamed your future.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
