the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
