I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
When are your genitals available?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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