No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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