the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
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