a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
