were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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