my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
