i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
