You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I believe in your delicious
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
