yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
