Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
