I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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