Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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