HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize