you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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