HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
