I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
