I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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