Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
