I want to make a zoo with you.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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