I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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