It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
