worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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