I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Randomize
