It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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