you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
