Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
