i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
