Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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