If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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