Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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