No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
