I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
