she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
