Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
