Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
